This is not a rant, it’s an open letter to yourself and everyone you ever loved and never had the right chance to tell. Fuck open relationships. Fuck itchy moments with your toes glued to the phone questioning whether to text though never finding the power. Fuck loneliness, bitter mornings with your eyes swollen from tears, fuck it’s complicated. Fuck vanity, fuck loss, fuck temptation. Fuck mistrust, fuck betrayal, fuck online break ups, fuck complaints, fuck jealousy, fuck fighting and hurting. Fuck understanding in a car crash. Fuck perfect girls, glossy magazines that thought you how to binge and starve, fuck Prince charming, modern relationships, how to lose a guy in ten days, your eight step diet plan, boys who never loved you, girlfriends who cherished you, tears in the shower and heart attacks on the backseat of taxis. Fuck that rage, toss it off your life with your keyboard monster, get your bags packed, breathe in, abandon life, abandon fear, abandon everything you learned, jump in this boat, steal me, steal life, steal love, sail and NEVER, EVER GIVE UP. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for him to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 4000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I did. Go scream it and be with her, or him, in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really. Live with all your strength, love with all your heart, consider what you never considered, go after her, call him, you bastard, run, but don’t chase, treasure, but don’t collect, adore, but don’t suffocate, move forward, but don’t kill, be kind, but don’t blame, surrender, but don’t surpass.
Always remember sinking is NOT an option.