I started writing my resolutions in late December 2010, in a time of confusion mixed with a fervent crush. It was snowing and I had no place to go, so I ended up spending my NYE with and ex-lover and his friends in a flat where the least fun I could have was smoke near the fruit salad bowl and occasionally laugh at some inside joke. It was weird and lonely and I spent the night texting my then fiance whose NYE was seeing the sky lights of New York. My resolution was to love him.
Everything however changed in two years. Well, almost everything. People, relationships, feelings, me. My wish list for 2011 was very different and very self-oriented. And I guess that’s how it should be, since it’s about oneself. Almost everything i put on that list happened. I finished my book and got an award for it. I managed to laugh more, even if the monsters of loneliness/anxiety/fear crawled in from time to time. I traveled a lot and I met people. I tried to take care of myself for the most I could. But the best thing that 2011 got me was friendships. In 2011 I learned that life will fuck you up in numerous, miserable ways and sometimes you cannot make it on your own. And in those times you should allow friends to support you and people to be near you, because that’s generous and it’s true and it’s beautiful to know you are not alone in your pain nor in your happiness.
I also learned we should forgive and forget. There’s too much guilt ingrained in our society and systems, as if someone put up a guilt standard or made a badge for it that we should always wear after – according to general perception – we screwed up or just did something that doesn’t fit others expectations. Just fucking relax, people, life is not a barometer for how many mistakes we made. Friendships are not, relationships are not. A wiser person once told me that without the capacity to forget, we could never actually move on. I guess we lose that capacity with age, no? We get into a sort of forgetting/forgiving Alzheimer.
I learned that sometimes, as the song says, sadness can be a blessing, ’cause the only way to move forward and detach from it is to stand up and turn all that shit into something meaningful.
In 2012 I want to travel far from home and experience different lifestyles/cultures, sort out the kind of job I want to work next or start my own projects, publish my first book and approach the second one, buy ONLY the stuff I need and make myself an actually conscious wardrobe, spend less, meet many new people, make new friends and spend more time with the old ones, clean my life of undesired/fucked up/toxic relationships, memories and people and make space for better and braver ones.
In addition, take more care of this website, write more and diverse, read more and find new inspirations. Finally learn how to ride a bike, although that’s a little extreme but I might like it.
And potentially fall in love with someone who is right for me and a nice, caring person who is talented, smart and successful and who will inspire me and who I’ll be proud of and deeply attracted to. Cause in the end, that’s what I look for, a mutual addiction, but in the right way, not self destructive or cancerous. I barely ever say this, but I do have a strangely great feeling about 2012 and about the stuff it’s gonna bring. It might not be my year, but I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be a hell of a year. I want to be happy. That’s eventually my top resolution. So I’m expecting it and I’m already embracing it.
Thank you everyone who’s helped me with the pictures for this site and also to everyone who read and still reads this blog, it means a lot and writing here got me through many hard times this year. I promise to make more photos next year and write more often.
May all your ardent, distant or secret wishes come true in 2012. Let yourselves inspired, let your love grow tall, let beautiful people walk into your lives, keep your friends next to your heart, travel, work amazing projects and mostly, make resolutions, ’cause if you really, truly dream for them, they will come to life!
Have an AMAZING NEW YEAR and remember to smile! ♥ Iloveyou