1. Two British tourists were barred from entering America after joking on Twitter that they were going to ‘destroy America’ and ‘dig up Marilyn Monroe’. Does this mean if I post Thursday with Paris in flames before I fly to France they’re gonna deliver me back like a box of wrong sized shoes from Topshop?
2. Stop being so desperate about not fitting into your super skinny sized jeans from last year, you jerk! There are people out there who can’t fit in their underwear.
3. If you’re in a 24/7 relationship or even just fuck buddies and he doesn’t want to have sex with you then he’s totally not into you/screwing someone else/a complete asshole/has an intimacy issue
4. Nobody’s ugly via Facebook! It’s super puff perfection all over the place, like Photoshop dropped its jaw and let everyone in. NOBODY will post a real picture, unless they look like an airbrushed supermodel or they don’t CARE – which totally means they’re on Facebook for no plausible, normal, mainstream reason – case closed. The REAL issue comes along when you let the world see your real looks, 150% different from your online profile pic. So please, if you think you can’t handle showing reality via online, just DON’T go out and expose everyone else to your 25 plus kilos, 25 minus inches, blackheads, belly or neanderthal voice. You’re welcome!
5. Always listen to Kanye West in public transportation if you want to appear self sufficient and totally look down on those ugly hat persons or persons with ugly hats, whatevs they are.
6. Regardless what happens with your relationships, always REMEMBER you’re amazing and beautiful and extremely smart and handsome and an awesome friend and that you can ALWAYS find ways to make yourself happy. Just start from down under if nothing else comes to mind. It actually works.
7. Something’s gonna happen to make your whole life better. Just make sure you’re in the present when it does. ♥