People listen to Lana del Rey and think its really cool but they barely have a clue about what she actually sings. You would think National Anthem is about money and success and power but in fact its only about getting a guy to love her so much she’d fill his entire world. I wrote this once to someone, when I was unsure and very low because trying to make them love me failed miserably. All this time, I’ve been so many different girls. I’ve been the girl the guy doesn’t care about, who meet her at a bar for a date and it ends in a make out in his car- meaningless and nothing. I’ve been the unattainable girl, the rebound, the girl with a puppy-dog crush, the crazy girl, the desperate girl, the dork, and the heartbreaker. I’ve been a bitch, and a sweetheart, and considered goth or mod or hipster. I’ve been the weird girl, the fancy girl, the fashiony city girl, the naïve girl. All depending on whose eyes are looking at me; Whose eyes I’m being seen through. I’ve been the starfucker, the band fucker, the girl who only dates rock stars or drummers, the girl who only wants to date rich guys or at least a guy who owns a car, the girl who doesn’t care what a guy looks like, the girl who settles, the girl who isn’t picky enough, the girl who’s too picky, the girl who only likes funny guys, the girl who only likes young guys. I’ve been the girl whose a prude- not sexually, never sexually… but alcohol and drug- wise. I’ve been the flirt, the tease, the confusing girl who leads guys on. I’ve been the mean girl, the cold girl, the girl with daddy issues, the elusive butterfly. All the while, the only variable being the man who was looking at me. And the only constant being me. So I guess when I find the right guy, whatever that means, I’ll know because I’ll be the truest, happiest, best, most balanced version of myself. I’ll be the person I am when I’m all alone, or with friends… only more loved, and, um, not alone… and maybe even contradict myself a little less.